I had all these grandiose thoughts about how I was going to post more frequently to document my pregnancy, but it's several months later, and that just hasn't happened.

The first 3 months were miserable. I had constant nausea and bone-weary exhaustion. It was all I could do to make it to work, come home for dinner, and fall unconscious into my bed. For 3 months, I was a non-human.

Now, I'm well into my second trimester and rounding out nicely (T-minus 2 days til I hit 20 weeks!). Zak loves to touch my belly, saying "bump bumpin'." He's so cute.

I've been able to feel the kiddo moving since around the 14 week, which is apparently weeks before I was supposed to. I never felt the bubbles or flutterings-- it was always a nudging feeling, like something was softly nudging my insides. Zak's gotten to feel the kiddo move in the last couple of weeks....although I woke him out of a dead sleep the 1st time, and he has absolutely no recollection of it! LOL!

I'm still vacillating between impatience and excitement for the little one to arrive and absolute terror that I've made a huge mistake. Don't get me wrong; this is something both Zak and I have wanted and have been actively trying to make happen for 3 years now, but there's a small part of me that worries...we have it so good now. I can't imagine having a better, more caring and loving life partner than Zak, and as silly as it is, I'm worried about that. I'm sure it will be fine. This happy couple is about to become a happy family-- I just wish I could get that paranoid corner of my mind to STFU. Our relationship will only get stronger, and we'll both be good parents. Our child will grow up happy and loved.

I dreamed about her last night...at this point, we don't know if we're having a boy or a girl, but my dreams are always of a daughter. Even my dad told me to "take care of my granddaughter" right before they headed home earlier this week. Makes me wonder...we've already even picked out a name for our daughter...next week and we'll know. The suspense is killing me.

I want to know for sure...I also want to get another chance to see his/her face again. I always look forward to the ultrasounds. It's spell-binding to see my little one moving on the screen and knowing that it's all so very real. It's amazing how I can love someone I've never met so much. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking it.